OK, so as I prepare to embark on my cross country flight tonight I would like to express my feelings on flying. I am not a big fan of flying...the recycled air, close quarters, not moving for many hours deal is really not on the top of my "most loved" list. I do think, however, that there are some ways to make sure that passengers co-exist in harmony.
1. Men, keep your hands off your junk! I understand that you may get a little itchy and I suppose if it is a matter of life and death you should scratch. Unless you are going to die, please do not scratch your junk when you are sitting next to someone! There is nothing more obnoxious then jabbing the person next to you as you dig into your privates, and subjecting them to the discomfort of having to pretend that they don't notice. If you are so uncomfortable, please just get your lazy ass up and go to the bathroom. Don't make me see it.
2. Parents, control your screaming, kicking little snot factories (aka your darling, precious little angels). I understand that they must go wherever you are going, but I don't understand why my ears have to be assaulted by their constant shrieking. Can't you find something to entertain them? There is nothing better than attempting to sleep at 3am on a red-eye and having to hear some little jerk shrieking. Also, if you see your child kicking the seat in front of him/her, do not respond by laughing, tell them to stop! I paid good money for my seat and I'd appreciate it if I was not subjected to your child's foot in my back.
3. Issues of common courtesy people. First, if on a red-eye, not everyone wants to read at 3am. Some of us would like to sleep. With that being said, please don't have your overhead light on all night, ESPECIALLY if you plan on going to sleep! Everyone around you is exposed to your light while you fall asleep, and chances are we will all hate you when you wake up all bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Second, the armrests are a shared space. DO NOT take up the whole thing and just assume the person next to you will be ok with it because chances are we are not. There are ways to share, so stop being such a greedy bastard and figure out how to keep your arms to half of the armrest.
Finally, if your feet smell, keep your damn shoes on. This requires no explanation.
I'm sure that there are many things that I've forgotten, but these are the things that I encounter most frequently. Airports themselves can take up a whole entry on their own so I won't even bother to go there. So for now I bid you adieu, and when I check this again I'll be in another time zone :)
